Parenting Tip: The Fallacy of Rewards & Punishment

Lisa C. Routh, M.D.

It is futile to attempt to impose our will on children. No amount of punishment will bring lasting submission. Punishment only allows a child to develop greater power of resistance and defiance. The system of rewarding good behavior can be as detrimental to a child’s outlook as the system of punishment. Should children be paid to do chores and make good grades?

Nope! That’s their responsibility, as part of the family.

Allowances? Yes! These are paid regardless of individual behavior. Children should do chores because they contribute to the family welfare. They get allowances because they share in the benefits of the family. Children do not need bribes to be good. Charts with stars or stickers to track their progress is a good way to help remind your child of their responsiblities.

Keep it in a place that is easy to see so that they will see it around the house.

Visual reminders are very helpful for most children.